How To Pattern Clash Your Printed Pants with Purpose.

  Printed denim is THE thing right now and I totally get it. Why wear denim when you can wear printed denim? I’m actually surprised this movement took so long to enter into trending existence. However I’m also really pissed, not becuase the printed denim is happening but HOW the printed denim is happening. Everyone from Victoria Beckham to J Lo has adopted the trend but they are doing it all wrong!!! Since when did printed pants require a flowy white blouse and nude pumps?!?!? or a chambray button down and Sperrys ?!? Please Ladies take notes, because The Pattern Police has come to rescue you from looking safe. Safe = Boring and that just won’t work.


IMG_1317Step 1: The bigger the sunnies the more everyone knows your on purpose becuase your expecting the amount of attention and double takes that might cuase the average fashionista to revel in the glory of rocking such a great look, but not you. Your proud of yourself for pattern clashing so well, but you honestly have alot of 5 p.m. lunches and blue cheese martinis to have so stopping for every single person who wants to take a picture of your for their street style blog would just slow you way down. So the bigger the sunnies the better, I mean if they cover your entire face including your nose and mouth that is great, it’s exactly what we are looking for.

Step 2: LIPSTICK. ALWAYS. DUH! Try to choose a color that juxtaposes all the other colors in your look. So if your rocking a head to to green look choose a dark purple.

Step 3 : Head accessorizing is one of my favorite things to do because it’s so serious. When you put an oversized green flower on your head … your serious about it. It just shows commitment and confident and that’s always sexy.


Step 4 : Do I Have to say it? A big chunky necklace is so key it’s redick. This one is fun becuase it’s trying really hard to resemble an oversized stacked strand of Pearls but it’s not sucseeding at all becuase it’s plastic, and green, and well not Pearls . Still it shows that sometimes failures can be a success because it’s still completely working.

Step 6: Nails always scream bossy when they clash with the rest of your vibe. It’s important to note I said ” when they clash with your vibe” not “when they clash with your look” In this instance the vibe is green go getter meets kermit the from on her way to pick up her freshly engraved Loui and her jet black miniture toy poodle from the Salon, yet her nails clash with that vibe to perfection. The vibe of her nails are I’m dipping one hand into nacho cheese while the other hand is reaching for the sun, so in conclusion it’s the perfect vibe clash scenario.


Step 6: Cheetah print goes and also doesn’t go with everything so just wear it whenever you are sure it looks great and also when ever you are not sure if it looks great becuase it always will, even when it doesn’t.


Tip 1: Adding a sparkly collar necklace brings any look to the next level. Polished, Feminine, Classy, and Workitout are all words to keep in mind. IMG_1321

Tip 2: Adding a shiny paten leather bow belt can glamify and prepify the hell out of any outfit so use this tip cautiously but also use it all the time.


Tip 3: For a pattern clashing driven look let your arm party become more of a kick back and just chill out with it for a bit. Only invite the mellow neighbor guy bangles and maybe a few of your shy bangle babes you don’t know as well.


Tip 4: You can totally pick a theme versus a color and just clash it up. Using two different florals in one look is the number one way to tell people ” Yes, I really like florals.” They will get the messge instanly and they will never forget it, or you or your outfit, or your…


IMG_1322 Tip 5: Blind onlookers with your shoes! It’s the easiest way to make neon work, get it bright enough so that it blinds people so that they can’t even see what they are looking at. Aslo a great way to stop traffic and get the attention of a cab zooming by.

Tip 6: Your Sunnies and your shoes should be the bookends of your look and everything in between should be a series of complicated and suspense novels that once you start reading you can’t put down. So be the best little author you can be and make an outfit book that sells!IMG_1330 IMG_1333

The end.

This entry was published on May 13, 2013 at 1:28 am. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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