News about Anne Hathaway and all of her 13,000 wardrobe malfunctions has been breaking headlines left and right and I’m still over here like ” What the hell happened?” First off let me start by saying I couldn’t give two nipples about Anne Hathaway or her nipples but, since everyone else has something to say about them (them being Anne and her nipples) I decided to do some research and form an opinion of my own. Is Hathaway just having a mini moment, or is this princess’s problems becoming a PATTERN?
What I discovered is that apperently the entire world was been organizing themselves into little ‘I Hate Anne Hathaway’ cult groups and not inviting me. #rude (Did they know I would only come for the free drinks?) #true Here’s the deal, for anyone else who failed to buy a ticket to crazy town or either of the Princes Diaries movies and has absolutely no idea why Twitter is tagging Anne’s ta-ta’s, rest assured, I’m here to enlighten you.
I’m now going to use a sports phrase but don’t get confused, this scandal has nothing to do with hotdogs, steroids, or Derek Jeter #callme. Anne’s most recent fashion faux pas however can be summarized with a simple … “Three strikes and your out!”
Strike one, at the premier of Le Miz in NYC Hathaway pulled a Paris and exited her limo sans underwear only to pull a Kim K and end up showing us all way more of her hoo-ha then we ever needed to see! Hathaway explained her “situation” on Today, “It was obviously an unfortunate incident [and] it kind of made me sad that we live in an age when someone takes a pic of you in a vulnerable moment and sells it rather than deletes it …” Her statement made all of the previous Anne Hater’s feel badly that they had been so harsh to the helpless starlet, and so they all rushed out to buy tickets for the next showing of Le Miz and ended up claiming it to be the best movie of all time. #NOT!
Strike two, Anne and Stylist Rachel Zoe had chosen a panty dropping (pun intended) #toosoon? gown designed by no other then good friend and best dressed list go to Valentino Garavani. Hours before the nominated actress hit the red carpet Valentino sent out a pre-red carpet press release stating that they were honored to dress Hathaway. Unfortunatley the betch showed up in Prada. Apperently the dress Anne had intended to wear was too similar to co-star Amanda Seyfried’s McQueen dream and so she had to nix it. Hathaway released a formal apoligie admitting “It came to my attention late Saturday night that there would be a dress worn to the Oscars that is remarkably similar to the Valentino I had intended to wear, and so I decided it was best for all involved to change my plans.”
Strike three, as Ann’s luck would have it is indeed the Prada dress she wore to the recent 2013 Oscars instead of the Valentino number she had planned on. Onlookers could not stop with their scrutiny of the very suggestive pale pink gown she donned that night. The dress caused such an uproar that a fake twitter account, @Hathawaynipples, was created and was hash tagging all over the place. #LeNipplerables I’m sorry but am I the only one concerned/intregued about the creater of this twitter account? While I admire you for being the scapegoat we all now hate to love, I have to ask, what made you the nipple expert? And where have you been hiding? What do your nipples look like? Do you even have nipples? Did you go to nipple college? Are your nipples so beyond fabulous all the time that you have been declared nipple police by the mayor of nipple ville? Bottom line, creating twitter accounts for a pair of nipples is not cute. #getajob!
At this point I really just have to wonder what Anne ever did to fashion that made it so angry with her and then I remembered this…
And instantly she was forgiven. A week from now Lindsay will get her 37th DUI, Anne will be old news, and all of Hollywood will live happily ever after.